Lost then Found Read online

  I wanted Aidan to see the best possible side of Jack on this first meeting. But it was more than that. I wanted Aidan to see that I was a good mom. I wanted him to think well of me.

  Luckily, Jack seemed like he wasn’t going to put up a fuss. Instead he did something quite surprising. He stretched up and kissed Aidan’s cheek.

  “Goodnight, Daddy!”

  He jumped off the couch and headed for his room.

  I made to follow him, then paused, half-turning back as I wondered if Aidan wanted to come and help put him to bed. Telling Jack a bedtime story every night was always the most fun part of my day, and I had the urge to share it with Aidan.

  I’d already opened my mouth to invite Aidan along when I stopped. This was only his first night as a dad. This could wait until he’d stuck around longer and wasn’t so overwhelmed by Jack.

  I got Jack ready for his bed, not rushing him, even though I knew Aidan was just down the hallway. Why was he still here? I hadn’t heard him leave so he was still here. I would have heard the front door close if he’d left. Although, certainly he’d shown, historically, that he didn’t feel the need to say goodbye!

  Maybe he had more details about the marriage that he wanted to discuss?

  It felt strange for the three of us to be under one roof like this. For the longest time, my family had just been me and Jack. Technically, biologically, Aidan was part of our little family too.

  I shut that train of thought down as quickly as I could. We weren’t a family - family is about being there, looking after each other, day after day. Just because Aidan was biologically Jack’s father, that didn’t magically make him part of our family. He hadn’t been there, he hadn’t been kept awake night after night by a crying baby. He’d never got up in the middle of the night to feed Jack. He’d never soothed him when his gums hurt because he was teething.

  I tucked Jack into bed and sat down next to him. There was a gentle knocking on the bedroom door.

  “Aidan?” I whispered, trying to be quiet and make my voice carry so that I wouldn’t excite Jack when he was nearly asleep. I wasn’t expecting Aidan to come back here. He pushed the door open, swallowing heavily when he saw us.

  “You forgot Bugsy,” he said, holding up the blue bear in front of him as he walked in. He held it like that teddy bear was the most precious and delicate thing in the world, like Bugsy would fall into pieces if he held it the wrong way.

  “Daddy!” Jack cried out happily, struggling to sit up, “You bringed Bugsy!”

  He held his hands out expectantly. Aidan put the bear in his hands and Jack snuggled back into bed, cuddling Bugsy close to him.

  “Thank you, Daddy,” he said, closing his tired eyes.

  “You’re welcome…son.”

  I felt a lump in my throat and I swallowed it, not letting myself get emotional. It was a miracle to me how easily Jack was accepting Aidan as his Dad and not asking any questions about why he was suddenly here. I guessed he didn’t really understand what a Dad was. To him it was just a word that his friends from daycare used sometimes and nothing more.

  “You don’t have to wait around for me. You can let yourself out, if you like,” I told Aidan, not looking at him as I stroked Jack’s soft cheek.

  “I’ll wait,” he said darkly. I nodded, determined to take my time, not turning as he left the bedroom, snicking the door shut behind him, as I started to tell Jack his favorite bedtime story: The Three Little Pigs. I had only just got up to what the Second Pig made his house out of, when Jack fell asleep.

  He was a deep sleeper these days. Almost as soon as he fell asleep, he was letting out cute little snores.

  Sure enough, Aidan had waited for me. He was lounging back with his arms thrown out along the top of the couch and his legs far apart. He looked utterly at home, comfortable and relaxed. He always had that knack of doing that though. Where ever he was, he was confident and in control.

  “He’s not what I was expecting,” Aidan said.

  “What were you expecting?”

  He didn’t answer for a few seconds and when he did his tone was low and rough:

  “Come here, Erica.”

  9

  Erica

  I took a step towards him automatically. Pulled forward by the tone of command in his voice. I stopped, planting my feet on the wooden floor of my living room. I was in my own home, he wasn’t the boss of me here. Even if there had been a time when I’d enjoyed hearing him use that tone with me. That time was over, no matter how my body seemed to just automatically obey him.

  “He looks like both of us,” he said, raising an amused eyebrow when I didn’t do what he wanted me to.

  “Do you think?”

  I always wanted to talk about Jack and I was especially curious about whatever Aidan had to say about him.

  “Hmm,” Aidan made a noise in his throat, holding out his hand for me to get closer.

  I stepped closer, letting him take hold of my arm. His thumb rubbed the sensitive skin of my wrist. I shivered, tingles running up and down my spine. It had been so long since a man had touched me.

  Even his slightest touch was enough to make me melt for him.

  No. This was wrong. I was still angry with him. I couldn’t let myself fall for him again.

  I tried to pull my arm away, but he gripped hold of me tight, and I could not escape him.

  “His face is the same shape as yours but I can see myself in his face too. He has my father’s eyes, they’re just that same shade of grey-green.”

  As much as I love Jack, I don’t think he really looks like me at all. Hearing Aidan’s words made me smile, I liked the idea that Jack looked a little like me, even if I couldn’t really see the resemblance myself. Then I remembered that Aidan’s dad was sick, and might not have long. I was glad, for Aidan’s sake, that Jack had something of his father in him too.

  He pulled my wrist and this time I let myself be drawn towards him.

  “You know, I like the thought of you being pregnant, carrying my child.”

  I snorted. It wasn’t a sexy sound. Morning sickness hadn’t been sexy either, especially because I’d been crying all the time, thinking about Aidan leaving me.

  He chuckled, pulling me so that I stumbled forward, tripping over his leg and falling into his lap.

  “You,” he said, looking into my eyes, “Still haven’t figured out how beautiful you are.”

  He was so close to me. I could see a couple of freckles on his cheek, each one of his eyelashes and his heavy lips. I swallowed, biting my bottom lip as I looked away.

  It was as if my body had a sense memory of him. In the past, being this close to him meant he was about to kiss me. I looked down at his lips again as they curved into a pleased smirk.

  I was sitting on his lap, feeling the hard muscles of his strong thighs. How often had I felt those thighs before? How often had I seen them, naked and straining, as we lay in bed together?

  Being so close, feeling his muscles underneath me. It did something, made me tingle in ways I hadn’t felt in years.

  Oh, God, even the just the smell of him. I don’t know if it was some ridiculously expensive cologne or if it was just the natural scent of him, but there it was again. Just like before. Musky and masculine.

  I took another breath, breathing him in. It was pure nostalgia. That smell always meant the hottest sex I’d ever had in my life and the most mind blowing orgasms. It was like a shot to my blood, making my body remember all the things he used to do to me.

  I squirmed, feeling my clit as I moved, a lightning strike of sensation.

  It was so unfair that he had this effect on me!

  Why did I have to be so turned on by a man who had left me and up-ended my entire life?!

  I ducked my head, trying to hide my face, and a strand of hair came loose, falling forward. That damn piece of hair is always getting in my way!

  “You’re just as I remember you,” Aidan said, lifting his hand to my face.

  I pulled
a face. Did that mean he was about to walk out of my apartment without any explanation?

  He caught the loose strand of my hair in his fingers, his knuckles brushing against my cheek as I instinctually leaned into this hand.

  I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t! Really!

  But it was hard, with him so close, surrounded by the force of his masculinity. And anyway, it wasn’t even a choice that I made, it was just my body’s automatic reaction, subconscious and primal. My eyes fluttered shut and I leaned my face into his hand.

  “There’s my good girl,” he murmured, startling me. I opened my eyes quickly. I used to love it when he called me that. But now the words jarred me. I wasn’t really his good girl, not anymore. If I were really good, things wouldn’t have ended. Sitting in his lap, I had to look down at him

  “Don’t,” I whispered, rubbing my cheek against his hand, nuzzling into it. Was this weakness? I shouldn’t want this, but it was so difficult to resist.

  “Shh,” his hand was still touching my face, “Look at you, always so eager for me. Do you really want me to stop?”

  I didn’t say anything, hoping that he wouldn’t make me speak. I hated that he had this effect on me, I didn’t want him to stop touching me though and I definitely didn’t have to admit out loud that I craved the touch of the man who had abandoned me. Where was my self-respect??

  His hand started to move away, his fingers trailing along my jaw.

  “Don’t stop!” I whispered harshly, relieved when his hand caressed my cheek again, gently pulling my face down so my face was level with his, so close that we could have kissed.

  “That’s right, I’ll touch you if I want to.”

  And there it was - he wanted to touch me. Sure I should have been annoyed at him, I had been angry at him. But…now he was telling me he wanted me again and I was powerless to refuse him. I wanted him too.

  This didn’t have to be complicated. It could just be physical.

  I didn’t have to worry about all my emotions, or what it meant that Aidan was back in our lives. I could just enjoy this for what it was, something simple.

  Just like Aidan, with his marriage proposal that was really a business deal. Sometimes things can be simple, without all the messy emotion. I wanted him so badly. Why couldn’t I just have him? People do this kind of thing all the time! Why couldn’t I?

  With his free hand, he pulled me onto his lap completely, facing one another now, his large hand holding me in place as it moved from my hip, up to my waist and then to my back,

  His hand spread wide over my shoulder blades. It made me feel so small, compared to him I was just a rag doll that he could move around with ease.

  Aidan looked up at me, his piercing eyes holding me in place just as surely as his strong arm.

  I felt a draw to him, impossible to resist.

  “Tell me,” he took his hand off my back and used it to stroke my cheek with his knuckles, “Tell me that you’re still mine.”

  I shivered, my breathing getting faster as I felt my whole body quake, already wet for him. I wasn’t HIS though. I wasn’t his, not anymore, not since he left me. But I wanted him, in that moment, I wanted him more than anything.

  “I…I…”

  I couldn’t do more than stammer. I couldn’t think straight when we were like this, when he was touching me, grazing at my skin as I sat on his powerful thighs and all around me was the musky scent of his masculinity.

  His hand trailed down my neck, down the gap at the top of my blouse and then, with a pleased noise, he popped open the top button of my blouse. It splayed open, revealing some of my cleavage.

  “Tell me!”

  His knuckles rubbed against the sensitive skin of my chest as he went lower, preparing to undo the next button. I was taking too long to answer. I knew I was, but I just couldn’t say it.

  That phrase meant too much to me. There was a time when I would have easily said that I was his, but that time was past.

  My breath was caught in my throat. I let out a deep breath, trying to calm down.

  Just because, in that past, sex had always been meaningful for me, didn’t mean that it still was. That emotional component might be gone, evaporated like my trust in Aidan, but I could still have this. I could still enjoy Aidan’s touch. This moment could just be about sex.

  “Look at you, panting for me. You’re so desperate for me. Tell me you’re mine and I’ll show you it’s still true.”

  He moved his strong hands, gripping my waist, he easily lifted me up and out of his lap, laying me on the couch next to him. My legs fell open as he stroked my outer thighs through the thick cloth of the skirt I’d been wearing all day. The material prickled at my skin, little sparks of awareness tracing a path down. He wasn’t even touching my skin and he was already driving me wild.

  When his hands got to the bottom of my skirt, he grabbed the hem and started pushing it back up.

  I let out a moan as I felt the cloth being lifted up and up, revealing more and more of my bare skin. Up past my knees, dragging up my thighs, up higher and higher until my panties were exposed to him.

  I shivered. It had been so long since I’d had been this exposed in front of anyone. Years since I’d been with a man, and now here was Aidan, between my legs, staring at my panties like he wanted to tear them off with his teeth.

  He pushed my skirt up higher, bunching it up so that it sat at my waist.

  Reaching his hand between my legs, his fingertips brushed along the material of my panties, stroking my pussy lips through my panties. I gasped, my whole body freezing up.

  It was like being struck by lightning.

  “Do you like that, my pretty Erica?”

  He moved his finger away, not touching me at all.

  “You have to answer me, do you like me touching you?”

  “Ungh!” I couldn’t think of an answer for him! I couldn’t think of any words at all. I just wanted him to repeat what he’d just done.

  He laughed, and ran his finger along the outside of my panties again. It was just one finger, trailing along the outline of my lips. It was so easy for him to drive me wild! He barely had to touch me at all.

  “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”

  I knew that I was getting wetter. Just being around Aidan used to be enough to get me going. He stroked me again, with two fingers this time. I could feel my panties against my lips, getting wet now too. Would Aidan be able to see the effect he was having on me?

  He pulled the crotch of my panties to the side and now I knew he’d be able to feel how wet he made me. I closed my eyes, letting myself just feel, my whole consciousness focused on what he was doing to me.

  There was a ripping sound and, for a brief second, I felt my panties dig into my hip and then suddenly stop. Aidan had ripped my panties! He’d ripped them clean off, tearing them at the seams!

  That was how much he wanted me! He couldn’t even wait two seconds to take my panties off!

  “You’re so pretty,” he told me, looking straight at my cunt.

  My first instinct was to hide, to shy away from him and close my legs, but there was something in his tone that stopped me.

  Instead I opened my eyes and sat up, holding myself up on my elbows as I watched the hungry, worshipful expression on his face. He desired me so much and it was intoxicating.

  He still wasn’t touching me, but I could feel his breath on my pussy; the hot air of each of his exhaled breaths.

  “Aidan,” I said. I wanted him to get back to touching me, but I couldn’t find the words to ask for what I wanted. It had been a long time since the last time I’d done this.

  “Hmm?” he asked, raising his eyebrows but not looking away from my pussy.

  “Please.”

  “Please what?”

  “Touch me!”

  “Touch you?” his voice was low and velvety smooth. “Where should I touch you? Here?”

  His fingertips grazed along my inner thigh.

  “No, more,�
� I said, shaking my head as I stared up at the ceiling. I was so frustrated. I thrust my hips up, but Aidan had his hand on my thigh, holding me down, keeping me still.

  “Please, Aidan…”

  Finally, finally, I felt his fingers on me.

  “Yes!” I panted in excitement. His touch was too gentle though, he was barely stroking my lips.

  “You’re very wet. Is all this for me? I bet it is. Alright, I’ll give you what you want.”

  His finger circled around my clit, sudden and electrifying. I gasped, sucking in a breath as my spine arched. It was thrilling, my whole body coming alive for him. All I wanted to do was spread my legs as wide as I could and let him do whatever he wanted to me.

  “Do you still taste as sweet as you used to?”

  I moaned in answer. My hips bucked up, involuntarily, as I tried to get closer to his mouth. He was going to taste me, right?!

  God, I had such vivid memories of the things he could do with that tongue of his!

  I wanted to feel that again! I wanted it now.

  He lifted his finger and I saw it was glistening wet with my pussy juices. Teasingly, he put his finger to his lips, and licked it. He was tasting me…on his finger.

  “Aidan! Taste me! Lick my pussy!”

  He looked me in the eyes as I tried to simply will him to do what I wanted. With a smirk, he put his finger in his mouth, sucking his finger! Instead of putting his mouth where I wanted it!

  He pulled his finger from his mouth with a popping sound. I bucked my hips again, I was dizzy with anticipation. I just wanted him to touch me!

  I knew that he could read me like a book, because he smiled, a sharp, victorious smile, like a predator sensing weakness in his prey. Slowly, still watching me, he lowered his head, his mouth getting closer and closer to me until I thought I might scream with anticipation.

  Finally, the tip of his tongue caressed my clit, my whole universe narrowing to the sensation of him, hot and wet. I opened my mouth to scream, but there was no air in my lungs, my whole body was taut. The only sound that came out of me was a shuddering whimper.

  He licked a long, hot stripe along my pussy, sucking gently on my clit. I could feel his tongue, swirling circles, driving all thought from my head as I shuddered, reaching between my legs to grab at Aidan’s head. My hands gripped onto to his head, pushing and pulling and yanking, I wanted to feel his sinful tongue all over me.