Lost then Found Read online

  Aidan…who looked just the same as when he’d walk out on me. Just as devilishly attractive, just as charismatic. Except, now I knew the truth about him. There was no point getting attached to him, because at any moment, he might simply disappear from my life. From our lives.

  Of course I was going to marry him, I realized. But I was doing it for Jack, not because I wanted to see any more of Aidan. I didn’t care about him, and if I felt anything for him then it was anger. Nothing more.

  I spotted Jack and waved at him. He waved back just as Joan was helping him on with his coat.

  “Mommy! You’re early!” Jack said, barreling towards me and hugging my legs. I bent down to kiss the top of his head. He hadn’t finished putting on his coat, one sleeve was on properly and the other half of his coat trailed on the floor behind him.

  “Jack,” Joan scolded him, following after him to pick up his coat, holding it up for him to put his arm through the sleeve, “What have I told you about waiting until you’re ready to go home?”

  “Sorry,” Jack said, leaning into my leg. I ruffled his hair. I’d missed him.

  Joan gave him a pleased nod, “Good boy.”

  “Did you have a good day, Jack?” I asked him. He nodded enthusiastically as he jammed his other arm into his coat.

  “I made a fwend.”

  “You made a new friend?” I asked, my hand still in his soft hair. It sounded like Jack had had a much better day than I had.

  “We had a new little boy starting today. He was pretty upset to be away from his mom for the first time, and Jack was very kind and made sure that Stevie was OK,” Joan said, filling me in. I wished that I had been there to see Jack helping the new kid.

  “Did you help a boy who was missing his mommy?”

  “He was cwying,” Jack said nodding importantly, like he was telling me a secret. He leaned more heavily against me and started to yawn.

  “I think he’s going to sleep well tonight. He and Stevie had a busy afternoon!”

  I smiled, about to ask what the two of them had got up to, but then stopped. Aidan was going to be coming over to meet Jack tonight. Was Jack going to be tired and cranky when he met his father for the first time?

  I chased the thought from my head, it didn’t really matter what Aidan’s first impression of Jack was. Aidan was Jack’s father, and that wouldn’t change just because Jack was grumpy the first time they met. I wanted him to see Jack as the sweet little boy that he really was, but if he couldn’t handle him at his grumpiest, he didn’t deserve him at his sweetest!

  “That’s a good thing, though, right?” Joan said perceptively. She spent her work days watching over kids and I guess it had made her really aware of body language, because she always seemed to be able to read my mind.

  And she was such a lifesaver when it came to daycare. She was always accommodating whenever I had some problem at work that meant I was going to be late to pick Jack up.

  Really, Joan was the closest I had to a female friend.

  Sad, really, because it wasn’t like I ever actually hung out with Joan. We just chatted sometimes when I picked Jack up at the end of the day…I just didn’t have the time for anything more in my life besides work and Jack.

  I was a lot more sociable before I got pregnant.

  My pregnancy had meant that I couldn’t go out drinking with the girls. Though, even if I had been able to go out, I was so miserable back then, because Aidan had left, that all I wanted to do was stay at home, sitting on the couch in my sweatpants, crying, eating ice cream and watching terrible rom-coms on Netflix.

  And then, after Jack was born, I was the only one in my circle of friends with a kid.

  Most of my time was spent thinking about things like, how long should I pump to increase the flow of my breast milk? Which was the best cream for my sore nipples?

  Those weren’t the sort of things that my friends wanted to talk about.

  With the best will in the world, I’d just sort of drifted away from them. It had been months since I’d last met up with a friend, and I definitely wasn’t close enough to anyone to tell them about Aidan.

  Now, as I looked at Joan’s worried face, I really wished I’d had a friend to turn to.

  “It’s just been a really emotional day. And it’s promising to be a long evening too.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  I shook my head, honestly it felt nice to just see a concerned face. All afternoon, I’d put on a front of professionalism at the office.

  “No,” I glanced down at Jack, he wasn’t paying attention to our conversation, but I wasn’t going to mention Aidan in front of him. “No, but you’ve no idea what a relief it is to know that Jack is in safe hands during the day!”

  Joan gave me a considering look, “You know, if you ever want to talk about things, I’m a pretty good listener.”

  “Be careful, I might just take you up on that,” I said. More than just talking to a friend, it would be great to get some insight from a childcare professional, get some tips about how to help Jack adapt to having Aidan in his life. And how to prepare him, for when Aidan inevitably left us. Jack reached up and took hold of my hand, pressing the palms of our hands together. That was a sure sign that he was ready to leave. “OK, little man, let’s get you home, say goodbye now.”

  “Buh-bye,” Jack said, waving at Joan.

  “Bye, Jack, see you tomorrow!” she answered, and leaned over and patted me on the arm, “Bye, Erica. Take care of yourself, OK?”

  “You too,” I replied, automatically, and then smiling at myself in embarrassment. Joan was the sort of organized woman who had her whole life figured out, and didn’t need to be told to ‘take care’.

  Gripping Jack’s hand, I turned and left the daycare. As I passed the other moms, I heard them still talking, the words ‘pre-school’ and ‘Rosewood’ reached my ears.

  Having a kid in New York was so expensive! I was getting all twisted up thinking about Aidan, but really the whole thing was simple. I knew it in my heart. It was just about the money.

  I’d seen the hard and flinty look in his eyes when he’d proposed.

  That was why I’d already said that I would marry him. Because his cold expression had made it clear that it really was just a business deal.

  Of course, if he’d suddenly re-appeared, offering me bouquets of roses and apologies and then proposed, I would have said no immediately. I knew he didn’t love me - he couldn’t have left me the way he did, if he’d had any feelings for me.

  But this wasn’t about romance, this was just business, that made sense to me. At least that’s what I told myself…until I saw him….

  8

  Erica

  The evening passed slowly. I was constantly on edge, waiting for the doorbell to ring at any second. Aidan had said he would come and meet Jack tonight but he hadn’t said what time.

  So, I spent the evening on tenterhooks, a nervous, fluttery feeling in the pit of my belly. How would Jack react to meeting Aidan? Was I doing the right thing? Should I call the whole thing off?!

  Finally, when it was almost Jack’s bed time, the doorbell rang. With a sudden burst of energy, my heartbeat sped up like crazy. It felt like my heart was trying to beat out of my chest. I pressed the intercom button, swallowing to make sure my voice sounded even.

  “Hello?”

  “Erica, it’s me. Let me up.”

  I buzzed him up, unlocked the front door so that Aidan could walk straight in and then gathered Jack up into my arms.

  “You have to be a good boy now, Jack. Just like we talked about earlier.”

  “Uh-huh,” he said, yawning widely. I had told him that he was going to be meeting his Daddy, but I don’t think he’d really understood the concept. “I gotta be a good boy for Daddy!”

  “That’s right, baby.”

  There was a light tap on the apartment door.

  “It’s open,” I called out. When it didn’t open imm
ediately, I started walking over to open it for Aidan.

  I was almost there when Aidan opened the door, stopping statue-still as soon as he saw the two of us. His eyes widened dramatically. He stared at us, drinking in the sight of us until I couldn’t bear it anymore.

  He’d come back into my life because of a business deal. Sure, it was going to be good for Jack to meet his dad. But, him looking at me like that was too intense, it reminded me too much of how things used to be.

  “Jack,” I said softly. “This is the man I was telling you about.”

  “Daddy?” Jack said, perking up in interest. Aidan walked in, not looking where he was going because his eyes were fastened so completely on Jack.

  “Yes,” Aidan said, his voice hitching slightly, “I’m your dad.”

  Jack looked up at me uncertainly and I nodded encouragingly.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi…hi, son.”

  Jack was holding on to me more tightly now. It was touching to see the two of them greet each other, Aidan more emotional than I’d ever seen him before.

  But…if he hadn’t left me then he would have known Jack since the day he was born.

  After a moment or two of silence, I grinned. It was very clear that Aidan really didn’t know anything about kids. He still had one foot in the hallway.

  “Come in, come inside.”

  There was an overwhelmed, slightly lost look on Aidan’s face. It was endearing really. I’d felt just as overwhelmed when I’d been handed Jack in the hospital. When I first realized that I was entirely responsible for this life and I had no idea what to do.

  “He’s bigger than he looked in the photo.”

  I shrugged with one shoulder. The photo was only a few days old.

  “So, uh,” Aidan said, looking at me helplessly, “He can talk, right? He understands what I’m saying?”

  I burst out laughing. It was just too funny! Here I was, thinking about how he had left me, pregnant and alone, my thoughts stewing away. But looking at Aidan - this powerful, immensely wealthy CEO, who I’d seen negotiate million dollar deals with steely-eyed calmness, now he was looking at the little toddler in my arms like he was the scariest thing he’s ever seen in his life!

  “Yeah, he can talk,” I said, still giggling. “Why don’t you go and get Bugsy? I’m sure Dad would love to meet him!”

  I put Jack down and he immediately scampered away to go and get his favorite toy, a blue teddy bear named Bugsy that he slept with every night. He loved introducing Bugsy to everyone he met. Sometimes, if he was in a taxi with me, he’d try and introduce Bugsy to the taxi-driver.

  Most people were very kind about it, and indulged Jack, patiently letting him talk for awhile about his teddy bear. Aidan looked like he was trying to hide how panicked he was at the prospect of meeting a toy.

  “Don’t look so worried, just sit down and relax. Jack’s a happy kid, ask him some questions and let him talk.”

  Aidan headed for the couch in the living room.

  Now, that was what I’d told him to do, but something about it made me stop and think.

  Aidan walked confidently through my apartment, easily finding his way around. And, it made sense that he knew this apartment, because this was the same place that I’d been renting for the last six years.

  I’d lucked into a rent controlled place and I hadn’t moved since. I’d brought Aidan back here a few times, so it stood to reason that he knew the place…But, this was an apartment that he’d visited, perhaps, two or three times, five years ago. Why would he still remember details like the convoluted layout of my apartment?

  I shrugged it off. This was a guy who had the details of all of IBA’s top clients memorized and floating around in his head. He had a good memory, that was all.

  Anyway, if we were going to be married then I should try not to think about what it used to be like between us. It was too easy to let all those old emotions come roaring back, to feel sad and rejected all over again. All that was over now, there was no romance here. Aidan was going to get to know Jack, and anything that happened between me and Aidan was going to be purely business.

  “God,” Aidan said, sitting down and looking around, not hiding his curiosity. “This place looks exactly the same!”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  There was just something about the smug way he was sitting there that made me want to contradict whatever he said!

  Which, yeah, OK maybe I hadn’t redecorated much since the last time he’d been here. But, to be fair, it wasn’t like I had a lot of time on my hands, and I had found the time to buy a new couch, to frame some of Jack’s drawings and put them up on the wall.

  “Do you remember…” he said, leering slightly as he patted the couch cushion next to him. I felt myself blush and, instinctively turned to make sure Jack wasn’t around to hear this. I knew exactly what Aidan was about to say.

  I remembered the first time we came back to my place. We were both so desperate for each other that we hadn’t made it to the bedroom. We’d stumbled through the hallway, our hands all over each other, groping and kissing and tearing at each other’s clothes. Finally, we fell on to the couch and Aidan had fucked me within an inch of my life.

  After he left me, I’d sat on that same couch, missing him, crying and alone.

  One of the first things I did, after Aidan, was buy a new couch.

  Jack came running into the room, interrupting my thoughts. He had Bugsy tucked under one arm and his new Tonka truck awkwardly held up in front of him.

  “Daddy? Daddy? Look! Are you looking?”

  “Uh-huh, is this Bugsy? He’s…really…cute.” Aidan asked, taking the Tonka truck and turning it round in his hands like he was pretending to admire it. I stifled a giggle at Aidan’s mistake.

  “No, Daddy, that’s Tonka” Jack sighed patiently, like he was talking to one of the younger kids from daycare as he took the truck from Aidan and put it on the floor, “This is Bugsy. He was born on the same day as me and we have the same birthdays.”

  “Ahhhh,” Aidan glanced over at me, a slightly embarrassed look on his face, “He’s a good looking bear.”

  Jack accepted the compliment and decided to get up on the couch next to Aidan. It was a little high for him still, and he put his hand on Aidan’s knee to help haul himself up. God, I hadn’t told Jack to wash up before Aidan got here and the pants that Aidan was wearing probably cost more than this month’s rent!

  Aidan didn’t seem the least bit concerned though, he helped Jack up, lifting him the rest of the way on to the couch, in a way that surprised me. It looked like Aidan was getting a lot more comfortable with Jack. His earlier worries about how to relate to a young kid seemed to have vanished.

  “And this is Tonka?” Aidan asked, leaning forward to pick up the Tonka Truck that Jack had left on the floor.

  “Tonka!” Jack said, taking it from him. “Steve and David and Sara have Tonka, and Sammie too.”

  I edged backwards, going into the kitchen. I could still keep an eye on them though. The kitchen counter was really large, and it felt like a separate room, but I could see and hear everything.

  Jack was in a chatty mood, telling Aidan about all his friends who had Tonka Trucks and all the amazing things it could do. Aidan took my advice and kept on asking him questions, prompting Jack to keep talking.

  There was something in the way that Aidan watched Jack, like he couldn’t quite believe that he was real, that touched me. Aidan had never said anything to me about wanting kids, or wanting a family of his own, but he certainly seemed to be taking to the idea.

  I’ve worked at IBA for years, and I knew how the company worked, inside and out…knew that it was a family business, but I hadn’t thought about what that actually meant until now. I guess I hadn’t realized that the business was passed down, from parent to child, until that afternoon. Aidan had assumed that I knew he was due to inherit the Presidency from his father, but it honestly had never occurred to me. There was a whole boar
d of Directors, and I guess I assumed that they would choose the next President. Honestly, it was a bit beyond my pay grade.

  I’d been so overwhelmed with sympathy for Aidan, having to cope with his Dad getting sick. But now I started to think about what this might mean for Jack. As IBA was run by the Stryker family, would Aidan expect Jack to work for IBA when he got older?

  Did that mean that Aidan would expect Jack to one day become a CEO of IBA?

  My mind went blank in sudden shock. More than just a job at IBA, was Jack going to inherit the Stryker fortune? I clutched onto the kitchen counter, gripping it tight until my knuckles turned white. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Because, as much as I liked the idea of Jack being financially secure, I also wanted him to have a career that he loved.

  I turned and got myself a glass of water. I was getting way ahead of myself. For now, the most important thing was me marrying Aidan and earning a million dollars while keeping my sanity in tact.

  Jack yawned widely, then wiped the back of his hand over his eyes before glaring at Aidan, who was holding Bugsy upside down.

  “No! Not like that!” he said, in a tone that I knew too well.

  It was the tone that meant it was getting late and Jack’s temper was easily frayed. It was time for me to intervene.

  “It’s, uh, it’s actually his bedtime. He starts getting grumpy if he doesn’t get to sleep soon.”

  In the whole time that they’d been sitting on the couch, Aidan hadn’t made a single move to touch Jack. Now though, he reached out his hand like he wanted to hold Jack to him and make sure that Jack stayed there, on the couch, with him.

  He stopped, lowering his arm without even touching Jack.

  I supposed I did have sympathy for him. I’d had years with Jack, I knew how much he made me smile. Aidan hadn’t only had about ten minutes of that experience. No wonder he wanted more.

  “Say goodnight to your Dad, Jack. It’s time for bed!”

  Jack pulled a face. I really hoped that he wasn’t going to make a fuss about going to bed when he was excited to meet his Dad. Jack was usually pretty good about going to bed, but whenever he didn’t want to go…well, then it became a tantrum. I did NOT want to deal with that in front of Aidan.