Lost then Found Read online

  Hanging in the lobby of the New York office, there was a painting of the current President of IBA. The painting was a few years old now, but it showed a dignified looking man, watching over us with a serious expression. The man walking toward us definitely looked serious and dignified, but, other than that, his features had nothing in common with the man I remembered from the painting…I guess, paintings aren’t exactly as accurate as photos.

  “Smith!” Aidan said, greeting the old man. I understood then, that I’d made a mistake. This wasn’t Aidan’s father. “This is my wife, Erica and my son, Jack.”

  “Pleased to meet you, ma’am,” the man said, slightly bowing his head to me. I could hear that he had a foreign accent. Was that an English accent? Aidan literally had an English butler! I giggled to myself again. This world hardly felt real.

  “How’s Dad doing today?”

  Smith opened his mouth and took a slow breath. “He has had better days, sir.”

  He made it sound like it was a condolence.

  “Maybe some company will do some good. We’ll go up and see him now, if he’s awake.”

  “Very good, sir.”

  Aidan lead us up the stairs. Jack clung to my hand tightly, like he did whenever he had to climb a lot of stairs all at once. But I think the atmosphere of the house was starting to get to him. It was so quiet here, a solemn stillness that made me aware of every noise that Jack and I made. It was like walking through a public library, or a museum - on instinct, we both knew to be as quiet as possible.

  Leading us down another corridor, lined with more paintings and some tapestries, Aidan opened a heavy oak door and ushered us inside. The room was dominated by a large, four poster bed that was surrounded by machines. There were none of the usual hospital noise, no beeping heart rate monitors like you see on TV or anything. But it all felt very serious.

  Standing in the background was a woman in a starched white old-fashioned nurses dress and a little cap on her head. Another scene that seemed straight out of another era.

  The sheets on the bed were smoothed down, with one very small bump in the very middle of the bed. Lying there was a thin and frail old man, his eyes closed like he was asleep.

  “Mommy?” Jack asked timidly, unsure what was happening as he looked to me for support. In the large, silent room his voice was crystal clear. I squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him.

  The old man on the bed blinked, his eyes opening and closing rapidly a few times before he woke up fully. His large eyes widened when he looked at Jack, in an expression of confused surprise.

  “Aidan?” the old man smiled, holding out his hand for Jack to come forward. But Jack ducked behind my legs, hiding. The whole experience; the long drive, the big house and now a stranger calling him by the wrong name, was too much for him.

  Jack hadn’t really had much experience with older people anyway. This was his only grandparent after all.

  The old man smiled, his thin face changing dramatically. He stopped looking old and sickly, and instead began to look lively and even kinda cheerful.

  Jack definitely did look a lot Aidan, I bet that they looked the same as kids too. Still, had he really mistaken Jack for Aidan? Did that mean that Aidan’s dad was senile?

  “Over here, Dad.”

  The old man laughed.

  “Do excuse me, I was just having a dream about when you were a little boy! Let me see now, this must be my grandson.”

  The man sat up, his pajama covered arms shaking slightly. The nurse hurried forward but Aidan beat her to it. In three long strides he had crossed the room and was helping his dad sit up. The nurse arranged his pillows behind his back and then Aidan slowly lowered him onto the pile of neatly arranged pillows.

  The man sat back with a contented sigh, tilting his head to look past Aidan and catch another glimpse of Jack. It was clear that he was very excited to meet his grandson and I felt my heart warming to him already - even though he hadn’t even acknowledged my presence yet.

  “Well, Aidan, don’t be rude. Introduce us!”

  The old man’s voice was thin and quivered slightly with age, but it still had that commanding tone that Aidan’s often had! Maybe it ran in the family and it was genetic. Or maybe it just came from years as a boss of IBA.

  Aidan smiled indulgently, looking between me and his father.

  “Dad, this is Erica - my wife, and our son Jack. Erica, this is my dad.”

  His dad put out his hand to me, not an offer to shake hands, but more like he just wanted to hold my hand.

  “Pleased to meet you, sir,” I said stepping up to the bed, and putting my hand in his. Jack shuffled along behind me, unwilling to release his hold on my leg. Mr Stryker squeezed my fingers weakly, for a moment I could feel the deep wrinkles in his hand, and then he let go, letting his hand drop.

  “Oh, call me Roderick, my dear. It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you. And this little man too,” he said warmly. I reached for Jack, nudging him forward.

  “Come and say ‘hi’ to your grandpa, Jack,” I said, trying to coax him out of his shyness. Jack slowly edged out from behind me. Honestly, I envied him a little bit. I was hiding my nerves at meeting my father-in-law and the boss of the whole IBA - but Jack didn’t have to worry about hiding his nervousness.

  “Goodness, the resemblance is truly remarkable,” Roderick said, perking up and leaning towards us. He looked more awake now, more alert. “How old are you, Jack?”

  “I’m four and one whole half,” Jack said, getting bolder now and taking a step by himself towards the bed.

  Roderick nodded, his eyes sparkling.

  “Well, that’s a very good age to be, young man.”

  “Thank you…”

  Jack glanced up at me and then at Aidan.

  “You must call me ‘grandpa’,” he reached out with a shaking hand, touching the top of Jack’s head and ruffling his hair. Aidan bent down and, picking Jack up by the waist, lifted him up and sitting him on the edge of the bed. “Ah, thank you, Aidan. Now, I can see this precious little man properly.”

  Jack watched Roderick curiously, his eyes wide.

  “Grandpa?” Jack asked tentatively.

  “Yes, m’boy,” Roderick said, smiling in a way that made him look twenty years younger. Suddenly, I saw it. I saw the family resemblance. All three of them had the same face, Aidan’s face repeated twice over, one a younger version and one an older version.

  Honestly, it was a little overwhelming. This was my Jack, my precious boy. For years, it had just been the two of us. And, then, standing there in a strange room in a strange house, I was the odd one out.

  I had the urge to reach out and grab Jack back - even though he was smiling and happy, his attention fully on Roderick. The two of them were looking at each other with such innocent happiness that I couldn’t do anything to disturb it. I couldn’t take this moment from either of them. I let go of my initial burst of jealousy. There was a lump forming in my throat as I watched the two of them. This was a beautiful moment. Jack was meeting his family and it was a privilege to watch and be part of this moment…even if it was slightly bittersweet for me.

  “Now, young man, you must tell me, do you have a favorite toy?”

  Jack nodded vigorously. He loved talking about Bugsy and I could see he was getting excited now. He swiveled around on the bed so that he was face to face with Roderick.

  “Yes!” Jack said, clapping his hands together.

  Aidan’s arm brushed against me, his hand wrapping around my wrist. I looked up at him sharply. The look on his face was indecipherable.

  “His name is Bugsy,” Jack continued, all his previous nerves gone, vanished completely. “He’s blue everywhere except in one eye.”

  Roderick nodded thoughtfully, like he was listening to some immensely important piece of news.

  “I see. What color is that eye?”

  It sounded like Roderick really cared about his answer, engaging with Jack earnestly.

  The
re was a tear forming in my eye. I blinked it back, not letting it fall. All my nerves were forgotten as I was touched by the scene in front of me.

  I’d got into this whole marriage, knowing that it was a business deal - but it was a business deal about family! I’d been so stupid to think that this would be straightforward, that this could just be a deal, without any emotions involved.

  After Aidan and I got divorced, Jack was still going to have a relationship with his father and grandfather. This was his family. Right now, while Aidan and I were tied together by a fake marriage, it was my family too.

  Like he knew exactly what I was thinking, Aidan’s grip on my wrist loosened, his fingers trailing down the palm of my hand until our fingers were brushing together. Just as he’d done in the car, his fingers interlaced with mine. It felt like he was holding my hand - it felt reassuring.

  “Do you think you might introduce Bugsy to me?”

  “Uh-huh, he’s in Mommy’s big bag.”

  “Oh, I’d very much like to meet him!”

  Roderick sank back a little, resting on his pillows. It seemed to me that Jack had tired him out, that a few minutes of excitement had really exhausted him.

  “Why don’t we go and get Bugsy?” I said, helping Jack off the bed and onto his feet. “We can come back later and introduce him to Grandpa!”

  “No.” Roderick said sharply, “Aidan, will you help Jack find his toy? I want to say a few words to my new daughter-in-law.”

  “Sure, Dad,” Aidan’s fingers squeezed mine and then released me entirely as he picked Jack up in one energetic swing, Jack’s little legs flew through the air. Jack giggled loudly, the noise filling the large, somber room. “Let’s go and find Bugsy.”

  Roderick’s eyes followed the two of them as they left the room. His smile dropping as he watched them with longing.

  He had been full of smiles for Jack, but now, as he looked up at me, the whites of his eyes yellow with age, all of his previous sparkle had disappeared. I straightened my back, this felt more like a job interview than anything. I was painfully aware that my clothes were crumpled from the drive and from holding onto Jack.

  “Aidan should have brought you here before.”

  Uh oh.

  I pursed my lips, unsure if I should take offense or not. Roderick’s face gave nothing away. He coughed and his nurse hurried to his side with a tissue. He waved her away with an annoyed flick of his hand.

  “Not now, Nora, I’m fine!” he snapped loudly.

  Even though he was frail, Roderick was still intimidating! I stepped closer to the bed - I wasn’t going to be some shy wallflower, just accepting my boss and father-in-law’s disapproval.

  “I’m glad that Jack is going to be able to know you. You’re his only grandparent.”

  “Aidan told me all about what happened between the two of you,” Roderick, pausing to cough again.

  I felt something icy cold in the pit of my stomach. I wasn’t ashamed of our business arrangement. I really wasn’t…

  Taking a million bucks so that I could give Jack the childhood he deserved wasn’t anything to be ashamed of!

  Plus, Aidan had asked me not to talk about this! It seemed like Roderick already knew the truth.

  I looked down at my feet, my eyes not really focused as I tried to think of how I could explain this whole messy situation. It was just difficult to explain that the marriage wasn’t real, that it was just to satisfy some clause. I guessed this was why Aidan had asked me not to talk about this — it really was just easier to pretend that we were genuinely married.

  But there was something else. A thought that popped into my head, fully formed and out of nowhere: I hated the idea of Aidan telling his dad the truth. I hated the idea of Aidan telling anyone that he didn’t really want to be married to me.

  Roderick cleared his throat loudly and finally turned back to me. I felt like I was awaiting his judgement and I knew I was about to be found lacking.

  “My son should have lived up to his responsibilities years ago. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you and Jack here!”

  “Uh,” I squeaked, blown away. This was not what I was expecting at all! I hadn’t expected him to approve of me at all, let alone look at me with that expression of gentle kindness.

  A great swell of relief went through me. Aidan hadn’t told his father that the marriage wasn’t real! My knees felt weak and I had to force myself to concentrate as Roderick continued:

  “This house is far too large for an old man who lives by himself. I don’t know what your plans are but I want you to know that you and Jack are more than welcome to spend as much time as you like here — why, if it’s easiest, you could move in!”

  He chuckled like he was trying to show he was joking, but I knew that he wasn’t. There I was, terrified that Roderick was going to disapprove of me and I needn’t worry at all!

  “Oh, I can’t tell you how it good it feels to have a child in the house again. Old houses like this are meant for families. It does me good to see Jack.”

  “You have a beautiful home Roderick.”

  “Thank you, there was a time, when the boys -”

  “Erica!” Aidan suddenly called, coming back into the room hurriedly. “Are you sure we brought Bugsy? Jack can’t find it, and he’s getting upset!”

  “Yes, I definitely packed him. Roderick, would you excuse me, I should go and find Bugsy.”

  “Of course, Erica, of course,” he said, reaching out to pat the back of my hand.

  Jack was waiting for me just down the hallway, wanting me to pick him up and take us back out to the car. That big staircase must be really tough on his legs! I carried him down, and out to the car, where the trunk had been left open and my luggage rifled through. There were clothes and personal items everywhere. It looked like they’d managed to open every zipper on every bag, except for the one I put Bugsy in.

  I rolled my eyes. Putting Jack down, I unzipped one of the side pockets of my luggage, and there, right where I’d left him, was Bugsy.

  “You found him! Mommy, you found Bugsy!” Jack squealed in delight, holding his arms up, wanting to me to pass Bugsy to him. “I wanna show him to grandpa!”

  And with Bugsy in his hands, Jack took off at a sudden run, dashing back into the house.

  “Jack! Be careful!” I yelled after him as I hurried to keep up. The hallway was paved with tiles and I imagined Jack could really injure himself if he tripped. Just then, with absolutely terrible timing, my phone started ringing. I pulled it out of pocket just as I caught up with Jack, who was waiting for me, impatiently, at the bottom of the stairs.

  I glanced down at the screen, and saw it was Jack’s daycare calling. Argh, I’d phoned Joan to let her know that Jack wasn’t going to be coming in for the next two weeks, but I’d had to leave a message and I know that Joan that liked to confirm in person if a kid was gonna be away for more than a few days.

  “Mommy,” Jack cried, holding his hand out for me, the phone in my hand was ringing loudly, magnifying and echoing back to us in the large space so that it sounded even louder. “Hurry up, Mommy. Grandpa needs to see Bugsy!”

  “Uh-huh, just a second, Jack,” I rejected the call and took Jack’s hand. For the first few steps he was like a little engine, pulling me up the steps. But then he lost his energy, having to pause on each step before starting on the next one. We were nearly at the top when my phone rang again. It was the daycare, calling back already. They must really want to talk to me!

  Jack hurried up the last few steps, letting go of my hand and taking off at a run to Roderick’s room - Bugsy safely tucked under his arm.

  Finally, I answered my phone:

  “Hi.”

  “Hello, Erica, it’s Joan. I’m just phoning about Jack being absent. I just wanted to check if everything was OK at home.”

  “Uh,” I floundered, that sounded a little ominous, I turned round and began to walk back down the stairs and out into the fresh air. “What do you mean?”r />
  “Well, I see that Jack’s going to be missing some time with us, and the last time he was here, Jack was telling everyone that he has a Dad now.”

  “Yeah, that’s right.”

  I walked back down the stairs and across the gravel of the drive and got to the soft grass. Joan was quiet for a few seconds and it suddenly dawned on me that she might have a really skewed idea of who Jack had been telling people about.

  “So…is this a new boyfriend?” Maybe it was just my imagination but I was pretty certain that I could hear disapproval in Joan’s tone.

  “No, no, he’s Jack’s biological father. There was…” I hesitated, not wanting to go into details, “There was a mix-up and Aidan only just found out about Jack.”

  “That’s…unusual.”

  “Yeah,” I muttered. She didn’t the half of it, I thought to myself as I idly kicked a few blades of grass. I wanted the best for Jack, and I knew that part of that meant creating a stable environment for him. It was only now, when someone else was calling me on it, that I realized how much I trusted Aidan to be part of that stable environment. “I think that getting to know his dad is a positive thing for Jack.”

  It surprised me, even as I spoke, how much I really believed what I was saying. Despite the way that Aidan had left me, I knew now that he would never do that to Jack.

  “That’s great, Erica! How’s Jack adjusting? It’s a pretty big change for him.”

  “Yeah, he’s doing really well. I’ve been watching him closely, and he seems really excited. Aidan…he’s a good man, and…he wants to be a father. I can see he’s already putting in a lot effort.”

  “Uh-huh, sounds like it’s an adjustment for everyone. Listen, Erica, Jack’s a really sweet kid, and he’s always been pretty mature for his age,” Joan laughed, and I felt myself relax. I hadn’t realized how tense I’d been, worried and on edge since I first saw on my screen that it was the daycare trying to get hold of me. “Maybe, even bordering on precocious. He’s a well adjusted kid and it sounds like you’re aware that this is a tough situation.”

  “Thanks. It’s good to get some friendly advice!”