Lost then Found Page 8

  “Yes. Here, this is for you.”

  I handed her the bouquet of flowers.

  “For me?” she took them cautiously from my hand. “Thank you.”

  Her eyes sparkled, the exact shade of blue as the lilies in her hands.

  I knew that I had explained all the dry reasons why I wanted to marry her; the married-heir clause that meant I had to be married in order to be eligible to become the President of IBA; the fact that she had kept secret about our relationship five years ago, so I could trust her to be discreet again now.

  I’d put effort into making her think that this marriage was just about business, yet it still stung that she really believed that - she truly didn’t know how I felt about her.

  I knew it was for the best, that it would make everything easier if I kept my love hidden. But…it prickled at me, her surprise at my gestures of care. She slowly, lifted the bouquet, smelling it carefully, like she thought I was about to rip it away from her and tell her it wasn’t really for her after all.

  “Are you ready?” I asked her, trying to reassure her that I wanted this.

  I put my hand on her elbow, guiding her forward, and felt a little tug on my pant leg. Looking down, I saw Jack staring up at me, holding his hand up, silently asking to hold my hand too.

  With Jack on one side, and Erica on the other, I was surrounded by my family. I led them up the steps and into the chapel.

  Throughout the ceremony I stared at Erica, I just couldn’t take my eyes off her. There had been a time when I thought I’d never see her again. Leaving her behind was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Now I was marrying her, and even though I had to hide how much this meant to me, it was nearly impossible, I was wild with happiness.

  Hell, this was probably the happiest day of my entire life.

  I said my vows, promising to love her for the rest of my life. I’d never said truer words. I would always love her, I’d always want to take care of her. Even if I knew that I wasn’t always going to be able to remain by her side.

  Towards the end of the ceremony, the pastor announced that it was time for us to exchange rings. I hadn’t given Felix any instructions about buying rings!

  I felt a nudge at my side and, turning, saw with relief that Felix was trying to hand me a small gold ring. It shone brightly, the gold catching the light as I picked it up. It was a thin, delicate-looking, little band.

  Erica offered me her hand and I took it, with my thumb brushing against her wrist so that I could feel her heartbeat, and the way it was racing. I slipped the ring on Erica’s finger with immense satisfaction.

  This marriage was real for me. I wanted her to wear my ring for the rest of her life.

  Next the pastor asked if Erica had a ring for me and I saw the same look of panic that I’m sure had just been on my face.

  Felix ducked behind us and passed a ring to Jack. He held it in his chubby, cherubic little fingers and then offered it up to Erica.

  “Thank you, Jack,” she whispered to him, her voice carrying. She put the ring on my finger carefully, frowning slightly like she thought it wasn’t going to fit.

  “I now pronounce you man and wife,” the pastor concluded. I felt my chest puff up with pride. “You may now kiss the bride.”

  I pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, and heard the tinkling sound of Jack giggling at us, like we were doing something that really amused him. I smiled at him, remembering Erica’s warnings about Jack needing time to accept me into his life. I knew it was good advice but tough to follow when I already loved the little guy.

  Jack was leaning against Erica’s legs, and I bent down to scoop him up, holding him to me with one arm. He was lighter than I had thought he would be and he let out a small whoop of surprised delight.

  “Sorry, Daddy,” he whispered to me. “I can be quiet.”

  I touched the tip of his little button nose, “That’s OK, Jack. You don’t have to be quiet anymore. We’re all done.”

  I held out my hand for Erica to take and the three of us started down the aisle.

  There were only two people acting as witnesses to our wedding, both of them men that I trusted completely. They stood up now and came over to offer their congratulations.

  Felix and Howard, my family’s lawyer, were both smiling widely. The old lawyer had spent many years working among dusty old law books, and had a reputation as a sharp and cold hearted litigator, but I’d alway suspected he was a softie at heart. His eyes were dry but suspiciously red rimmed. He was holding a handkerchief in his hand, just in case.

  Felix, too, was looking moved, his bottom lip wobbling slightly. It surprised me, to see these men both so effected, so happy for me.

  In many ways, my assistant and my lawyer are the two people who know me best in this world. What did it mean that they were both so touched to see me marrying Erica? Felix had arranged this whole thing. He knew, better that anyone, how quickly the wedding had been arranged - from one day to the next…yet he certainly looked like he knew how I really felt about Erica, and that this was so much more than a fake marriage to cover up a legal technicality.

  “Congratulations to you both!” Howard said, patting my arm that was holding onto Jack. Jack himself was busily looking around the chapel, totally distracted as he took in all the flowers.

  “Thank you,” Erica said, although she had never met either of them before and I doubted she knew who they were

  “This is Howard, and this is Felix, he put all of this together,” I told her, squeezing her hand, feeling the warmth of my gold wedding band as it pressed into her flesh.

  “You did all this?” she asked, looking at Felix in astonishment. He blushed, I don’t often compliment him, although he definitely deserves it - he’s the most efficient assistant I’ve ever had. I can’t stand people who aren’t good at their job, and I had burned through countless assistants before I found Felix. He was almost family at this point.

  “It’s beautiful! I can’t believe you did all this!”

  “I’m just happy to help,” Felix said shyly. I supposed I should give him a bonus for pulling all this together in a way that Erica liked. “And this must be Jack, right?”

  Jack, at the sound of his name, looked around at the newcomers, smiling happily. I might not be an expert in small children, but I was very sure that Jack was a particularly calm and intelligent boy. I lifted him up a little higher, holding him up proudly to show him off - my son.

  “I’m Jack!” he declared. Howard made a cooing noise through his thick white mustache.

  “Hi, Jack,” Felix said easily, reaching out to rub Jack’s arm, like he spoke to children all the time and knew exactly how to do it. “I’m Felix, I’m going to be a friend of yours.”

  Huh, I hadn’t expected Felix to be good with kids, but Jack seemed to like him already. Erica pressed closer, leaning over to ask Felix something - of course she wanted to know more about this man that was talking to her son.

  It was good that Felix was so comfortable talking to kids. It was definitely a good thing that it came naturally to him to talk to Jack, in that easy, relaxed way. It would be very good to have someone close to me who knew how to look after a young kid.

  This was a happy moment. I pulled Erica closer, letting go of her hand and taking her by the waist. I had my son on one side and my wife on the other.

  It was a pretty amazing feeling.

  I held onto them both, my family in my arms.

  For all the things that money can buy, I don’t think anything has ever made me feel as good, as proud, as I felt, standing there.

  “There’s just a few things for you to sign, a couple of documents, but I can get those sent over to you in the next few days,” Howard was saying, telling Erica about the legal loose ends of this marriage that still needed to be tied up.

  “I’ll get that couriered right to you,” Felix told Erica helpfully. I had the strangest feeling that Felix had just become Erica’s assistant. I didn’t blame him, I’m sure Erica wo
uld make a much kinder boss than I was.

  “We should be leaving,” I said, as Jack laid his head on my shoulder. It felt like he was getting tired and I wanted to get back to the penthouse. I wanted to see my family there, in my home. In my territory.

  I felt a thrill, just thinking the words.

  Howard and Felix moved aside to let us pass and we walked back up the aisle as man and wife.

  That’s when I saw him.

  There, sitting in the very back row of the chapel, was a man I knew too well. A man I was hoping I would never see again. His eyes were burning with rage as he stared at me. He stood up just as we walked past.

  “Aidan,” he called out. I kept my face bland and expressionless, refusing to acknowledge that he’d got to me. I wasn’t even going to stop walking, but Erica paused, looking round at the pale man. “I came to offer you my congratulations.”

  He put his hand out to shake my hand.

  My hands, wrapped around my family, were full. I had to slowly lower Jack to the ground. He found his feet and then leaned into my leg, in the same way he had with Erica during the ceremony.

  Taking the man’s pudgy hand, I shook it once and then tried to let go. He wouldn’t let me, he was squeezing down, trying to press the bones of my hand together. He wanted to hurt me.

  I had thought that we were above such childish games, but apparently not. I squeezed back, crushing his hand. It brought me no joy as I watched him flinch in pain. He let go of my hand, dropping it as if I’d burned him.

  How the hell did he find us?

  12

  Erica

  Aidan threw open the heavy wooden door of the little church and hurried us out into the evening, like he was desperate to get out of there. Parked out front was another sleek car ready to whisk us away. Aidan was walking so quickly, that I had to hurry to keep up, Jack safe in Aidan’s arms. He opened the back door of the car and handed Jack to me, before getting in too.

  He didn’t say a word as the car sped away, driving smoothly through the evening traffic. I supposed that the whole wedding had been just a way of sealing a business deal for him. The dress, the beautifully decorated church…It had all felt so real that I had to kept on telling myself that it wasn’t.

  I smoothed down the heavy silk damask skirt of the ridiculously expensive dress that Aidan’s assistant had picked out for me. It really was gorgeous, but it wasn’t what I would have chosen for myself. Another reminder that this wasn’t a real wedding.

  Aidan stared out of the window, ignoring me and lost in his own thoughts. No, this wasn’t how real, just-married couples behaved at all.

  The car pulled up in front of Aidan’s building and, like a gentleman, he helped us out of the car without a word.

  It felt strange to be wearing a wedding band.

  After my dad passed I wore his old high school graduation ring for years, for most of my teenage years. Actually, I only stopped wearing it a few years ago. I guess after that it felt silly to just wear a ring as a fashionable piece of jewelry. I wanted it to be meaningful.

  Now I could feel the weight of the gold ring that Aidan had slipped onto my finger. It felt meaningful too.

  “I’ll get you a key for the penthouse,” Aidan said, letting us in. I remembered this place well. Just like my apartment hadn’t changed in the intervening years, Aidan’s apartment looked exactly the same too.

  “Thanks. It’s been a long day, hasn’t it, Jack?”

  His mouth pulled into a grimace, like Jack knew what I was about to say and wasn’t happy with it. I glanced at Aidan. He had yet to experience the angry screams of a toddler’s tantrum. Jack’s lower lip wobbled, getting ready to start crying. I braced myself, preparing for the inevitable.

  “It’s bedtime.”

  “NO! Mommy, no!” he stamped his foot angrily on the expensive parquet flooring.

  Aidan looked round in surprise, like he’d never seen a grumpy kid before. Well, he was about to learn exactly what it meant to be the father of a toddler!

  “Hey, little man,” Aidan said, surprisingly calmly, coming over and picking Jack up easily. He was so strong that he could throw Jack up into the air, catching him confidently. “Why don’t the two of us go and find Bugsy? Hmm? I know that Felix unpacked it, uh, I mean, him for you.”

  “Bugsy’s here??” Jack giggled. His bad mood forgotten as Aidan played with him.

  “Yep, he’s in your room! He’s going to keep you company here while you’re on vacation.”

  I followed as Aidan carried Jack down the hallway into a small bedroom that had obviously been specially prepared for a child. I guessed this was more of Felix’s, or another one of Aidan’s assistants, work. I did appreciate the thoughtfulness.

  I hesitated, not going into the room. Aidan looked a lot more comfortable now, as he talked to Jack, playing with him and helping him find his favorite toy.

  Aidan looked good, playing with his son.

  I mean, he always looked good. But I was used to the dominant side of him, cold and dispassionate as he made multi-million dollar decisions, or passionate and fiery as he tore the clothes off of me. This, this gentleness, was another side of him that I’d never seen before. I didn’t even know he was capable of being like this.

  I looked away. It was easy to fall into the daydream of the three of us as a real family. But we weren’t. I reminded myself, for what felt like the thousandth time, the relationship between me and Aidan was entirely professional.

  Then I remembered what the two of us had done last night…. and this morning - OK, so our relationship was physical too. But not emotional. I wasn’t going to fall for Aidan again. No matter how good, how tender, he looked right now.

  I left the two of them to bond.

  In the future, after Aidan had become President of IBA and he’d cleared up all the legal nonsense, then there would be no more legal reason for us to remain married. I guessed that after we got a divorce, then Aidan would be spending time with Jack without me.

  We hadn’t discussed this at all. I’d leapt into this marriage, because I knew that Aidan was a good man and I did truly believe that he deserved to get to know his son.

  I’d sort of assumed that we were going to share custody of Jack.

  And that was fine, it would be good for Jack to have a male role-model in his life…I was willing to let Aidan see Jack whenever he wanted, but the thought of scheduled weekends without Jack made my heart twinge. I was going to be so lonely without my little man. Well, at least I was going to have some time to prepare myself before that happened.

  I walked out into the large main room, the layout of the penthouse imprinted in my memory.

  There, in front of me was that view that I remembered so well. The sun was just setting now, and lights were starting to come on all across the city. It was really beautiful. I let myself just stand, drinking in the view. It felt slightly wrong to be free from responsibility in the evening, and not giving all my attention to Jack.

  I supposed that this was going to be my life for a while now. At least the next few months. Two parents, living together, both looking after Jack.

  Honestly, it didn’t sound that bad. It wasn’t exactly a chore to have Aidan around, helping out.

  I wandered over to the bookshelf in the corner of the room, scanning the books to see what Aidan was reading. I frowned. It wasn’t like Aidan and I had compared our taste in books when we’d been together, but…I knew a lot of these books. They were books that I had at home too, and quite a few that I loved.

  I never knew that we had the same taste in books.

  I didn’t know that we had the same tastes in anything.

  He was a billionaire, after all. It never occurred to me that that we would have the same interests outside of his company.

  It was strange, at the wedding, to see how other people treated Aidan. It had been clear, from the respectful but slightly nervous way that people looked at him, that they thought he was the kinda guy that shouldn’t be
fucked with.

  There was something appealing about that. Maybe it wasn’t something I should admit to liking, but there was a part of me, a tucked away, hidden part of me, that liked the way that Aidan, with his domineering attitude and aura of power, seemed to scare people.

  People looked at me and saw a single mom and a successful business woman…which I was. But there was more to me than people knew. I liked the thrill of knowing that here was this powerful man, and he was using his power and wealth to look after me, to make sure that I was happy - sending out his assistant to get flowers for our wedding. Even though our wedding was little more than a business meeting, that happened to be held in a church.

  Below the book shelves was a shelf of old vinyl records. I flicked through them carefully, surprised that Aidan listened to this kind of stuff. I’d never heard him put music on, except maybe classical music when he was driving.

  Personally, I’ve always loved music. I grew up listening to my Dad’s old rock’n’roll collection. He died when I was young, so it was a connection to a father I never really knew. When I’d moved to New York, I’d brought Dad’s collection with me.

  Back before Jack was born, I used to unwind in the evenings after work by sitting on my couch, a glass of wine in my hand, just closing my eyes and listening to those old, scratched up vinyl records.

  Nowadays, I don’t have time for that anymore, to just sit and listen. I always have music playing in the background as I spend time with Jack. I want him to enjoy music as much as I do.

  So, as I flipped through Aidan’s music collection, I was surprised to see how much we had in common. There was a lot of old rock’n’roll LP’s here, a lot of the ones that I owned too. It was nice, knowing that we liked the same things. Even though we came from such different backgrounds, we listened to the same music, read the same books. How funny that I hadn’t known that before.

  “Jack’s asleep.”

  I turned, startled by Aidan’s voice.

  “Oh,” Jack had never fallen asleep with someone else, besides myself, before. “You put him in his PJ’s, right?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “And you told him a story?”